Dear Abby column probes boundaries after a father's remarriage and memory tensions

A recent Dear Abby column spotlights how etiquette and family grief intersect when a parent remarries, stirring tension that can reverberate through extended kin. In the note at the center of the piece, a Texas reader recounts how her father, who was married to her mother for five decades, remarried about a year after her mother’s death. Within two months of meeting the new wife, he was engaged. The observer describes a sequence of actions she views as disrespectful to her mother’s memory: announcing the engagement on social media before notifying family; inviting the new wife to a memorial service that had already been delayed; and bragging about the new marriage in ways that blur the lines between loss and celebration. The father’s openness about his relationship extends to nicknames for the new wife that traverse the boundary between affection and insult, with terms such as child bride, beloved bride, and even lover used in different contexts. Compounding the discomfort, the writer notes a clash over her mother’s final wishes and the handling of her ashes, which she says were not honored in the way she would have preferred. The letter ends with a practical but painful admission: the writer has sought therapy to cope with the hurt and confusion, and she asks whether she has the right to ask her father to stop using the nicknames and to simply call his wife by her given name. The column frames the situation not as malice but as a misalignment of boundaries and memory, a common hurdle in families navigating grief and rapid changes after a long marriage ends with death.

The column’s response emphasizes that the father appears to be in a honeymoon phase, and that love can make people act in ways that feel goofy or intrusive to others, especially when grief and memory are involved. The advisor suggests that the father’s behavior, while hurtful, is unlikely to be intentionally disrespectful toward the mother’s memory. In light of that, the guidance counselor offers a path that centers on empathy and self-care: there may be a need for another round of therapy or counseling to adjust to the new family dynamic without hardening toward the father. The recommendation also nods toward setting boundaries gradually, rather than issuing blunt ultimatums, to protect the writer’s emotional well-being while allowing her father to experience happiness with his new partner. The broader takeaway is not to presume malice, but to acknowledge hurt and pursue constructive conversations or counseling that help rebuild trust and reduce ongoing distress.

A second letter in the same column adds a complementary etiquette thread: when a grieving friend receives a sympathy donation intended to support a church or memorial, and months pass without the gift being cashed, what is the proper nudge to ensure the fund reaches its intended purpose without sounding accusatory? The columnist’s answer is pragmatic and courteous. Rather than making a direct demand for action, the recommended approach is to reach out with a simple note confirming whether the memorial donation was received and whether the check has cleared or if it was perhaps lost in transit. Framing the inquiry as a mutual check-in helps maintain civility while ensuring the charitable intention behind the gift fulfills its purpose. The guidance underscores that polite, direct communication most often preserves relationships and keeps expectations clear in situations that involve loss, memory, and generosity.

The two letters together illustrate how etiquette guidance can intersect with deeply personal experiences. The core message from the columnist is not to police a grieving family member’s happiness, but to navigate the boundaries that arise when memory and new love collide. It also highlights a practical dimension of etiquette: clear, respectful communication can prevent misunderstandings and help everyone move forward with less resentment. The interplay between private pain and public manners in this case has resonated with readers who face similar situations, where the question is not whether to forgive but how to set healthy boundaries without diminishing someone’s capacity to find joy after loss.

The Dear Abby column, written by Abigail Van Buren and traditionally credited to Jeanne Phillips, has long served as a touchstone for everyday civility and coping with family dynamics. The present notes, drawn from a New York Post lifestyle synopsis of a December 21, 2025, column, reflect how timeless questions about death, memory, and new attachments continue to prompt readers to seek guidance on balancing compassion with personal boundaries. In the contemporary culture landscape, where family milestones are often shared publicly and grief can be processed privately, the advice remains anchored in practical, respectful communication and in recognizing that healing can take many forms.

Images accompanying this report provide a visual anchor for the Dear Abby discourse.

As families navigate grief alongside evolving relationships, etiquette columns like Dear Abby offer a framework that prioritizes empathy, open dialogue, and self-care. By emphasizing that hurt feelings deserve acknowledgment while cautioning against rushing to judgment, the guidance aims to help readers craft healthier family dynamics without denying the complexity of loss or the legitimacy of new happiness.