Dear Abby column tackles 'child bride' nickname and memory clash in remarriage

A recent Dear Abby column centers on a reader who says her father remarried within a year of her mother’s death and has since filled social and family moments with public displays that feel like a jab at her mother’s memory. The father, now in his early 80s, quickly became engaged to a woman in her 70s; the engagement was announced on Facebook before informing the mother’s sister, and the new wife was invited to the delayed memorial service held out of town. The reader says he publicly brags about the relationship, repeatedly using affectionate but jarring nicknames such as ‘child bride,’ ‘beloved bride,’ or ‘blushing bride,’ and even referring to the new wife as his ‘lover’ in front of family and friends. Compounding the tension, the daughter recalls moments when arrangements tied to her late mother’s memory were handled in ways that felt disrespectful, including the manner in which the ashes might be handled and the general cadence of the remarriage. The reader, who has pursued therapy to cope with the upheaval, questions whether she has the right to ask her father to stop using intimate terms and simply address his wife by name. She stresses that it feels like a personal wound, especially since her mother’s memory looms large in family life. The note is part of a broader discussion about how families navigate grief, memory, and the practicalities of blending lives after loss, which has become a frequent topic in popular advice columns.

Abby’s response, published alongside the letter, suggests that the father is still in the early, “honeymoon” phase of the new marriage and that the playful or affectionate language he uses may reflect a lack of malice rather than intent to disrespect. The columnist notes that love can make people goofy and that the daughter’s perception of insult may be intensified by the emotional rawness of recent loss. While acknowledging the discomfort, Abby cautions that the father may not be deliberately trying to minimize the mother’s memory and that it may take additional counseling to help the daughter adjust to this new family dynamic. The advised path emphasizes open dialogue within limits, continued therapy to process grief, and patience as family members renegotiate roles and boundaries after a spouse’s death. The takeaway is not to assume harmful intent, but to consider ongoing support to reduce bitterness and resentment as emotional boundaries are rebuilt in the wake of remarriage.

A separate letter in the same column deals with a different etiquette question about memorial giving. “Uncleared in the Midwest” describes mailing a memorial contribution to support a loved one’s church or favored institution, only to find that the check has not cleared months later. Abby’s guidance is more practical than punitive: reach out directly to the recipient to confirm whether the check was received or perhaps mislaid in the mail. The suggested phrasing is simple and non-confrontational, such as, ‘I notice that the check I sent for — who’s memorial — still hasn’t been cashed. Did you receive it, or could it have been lost in the mail?’ In this context, the columnist emphasizes courteous, direct communication as an appropriate, non-burdensome way to resolve financial reminders tied to grief.

Dear Abby, written by Abigail Van Buren (the pen name of Jeanne Phillips) and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips, has long served as a practical voice on family relations. The feature’s ongoing relevance in Culture & Entertainment coverage underscores how advice columns continue to influence conversations about modern family life, grief, and the complexities of remarriage. The New York Post’s Lifestyle section published the column as part of its regular feed on relationships, family dynamics, and social etiquette, highlighting how readers translate personal trials into universal questions about respect, memory, and boundaries. The persistent demand for this kind of guidance illustrates the enduring appeal of measured, nonjudgmental counsel in navigating sensitive family moments.

As the column’s recent exchange suggests, there is a broad continuum of response when a parent remarries after a long marriage. Some readers experience relief and happiness for a loved one, even as certain behaviors feel off to others who remain attached to the memory of the deceased spouse. The core message in Abby’s guidance — to distinguish between intentional disrespect and the emotional fog of new love, and to pursue counseling and calm dialogue — reflects a steady approach to complex family transitions. While readers may disagree with the tone or the advice, the column’s pattern remains: acknowledge the pain, provide concrete steps for communication, and encourage support structures that help families establish new norms without erasing what came before.

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The ongoing conversation around remembrances, remarriage, and the language used to describe new partners continues to echo through family life today. For some, the terms of endearment signal genuine affection and a sense of belonging in a new household; for others, they can feel like a re-opening of old wounds. The guidance provided by Abby Van Buren remains a reference point for families navigating these tensions: approach with empathy, avoid assumptions about intent, and seek professional support when grief and growing pains threaten to erode relationships. As with many advice-column cases, the ultimate resolution lies in the willingness of family members to listen, adjust, and build new traditions that honor both the past and the future.