Ghosting: The Chicken Way Out Of A Friendship

Ghosting has become a more visible behavior in friendships, with relationship experts noting that abrupt withdrawal can be as painful as breakup pain and sometimes more confusing because there are no shared scripts for ending platonic ties. As social lives increasingly unfold online, researchers say the lack of cultural templates for ending a friendship helps explain why many people drift away with little explanation.

Across interviews compiled for HuffPost, scholars and therapists describe ghosting as a trend that tracks with broader shifts in how people manage boundaries and relationships in a digital era. The practice is not merely a byproduct of busy schedules; it reflects a reckoning with whether a friendship still serves a person’s needs. Angelika Koch, a relationships and breakup expert at the LGBTQ+ dating app Taimi, says some friendships feel as intimate as family connections, which can complicate the decision to walk away from one that no longer fits. “This can add a layer of complexity when it comes to walking away from a friendship that no longer serves you,” Koch said.

Morgan Cope, an assistant professor of psychology at Centre College who studies interpersonal relationships, notes that ghosting has become more common as people turn to digital tools to connect and disconnect. “Around 13% of people report having ghosted someone in the past, and 23% report having been ghosted in the context of romantic relationships,” Cope said. He added that a shift after the pandemic helped normalize protecting one’s energy, a sentiment Koch cited as a factor in the rise of ghosting in friendships as well as romances.

Saba Harouni Lurie, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Take Root Therapy, emphasizes that the root problem is a lack of practice with honest conversations. “Unfortunately, most people are not well-versed in having difficult and honest conversations, and may elect to ghost a friend instead of trying to understand if the relationship can grow and change,” she said. The result, she notes, is a pattern of ambiguity and resentment rather than closure.

The personal cost of ghosting can be acute. Rose, speaking to HuffPost on condition of anonymity, described how being ghosted by two friends felt devastating: “I was absolutely gutted by the situation. Not just the rejection and abandonment, but the way they closed ranks to keep me out. It was probably the most painful friend breakup I ever experienced.” Rose’s experience mirrors many who feel that abrupt silences can leave the person on the receiving end with questions and hurt that linger long after the last message.

Experts point to technology as at least a partial amplifier of this behavior. Social media and messaging platforms make it easy to block or fade away without a direct conversation. “I do think social media block buttons have made it easier for some people to cut ties on their end and move on,” Rose said, while noting that she does not endorse the approach for offline friendships. For those with offline histories, Koch argues, “block and move on” is not the best way to deal with conflict, and it can compound confusion or create a sense of abandonment. Cope adds that the medium of texting can strip away nuance and escalate misunderstandings, underscoring why direct, scheduled conversation can be more productive than silence.

Ending a friendship respectfully is possible, even if it remains uncomfortable. Harouni Lurie suggests starting from a place of compassion and personal honesty. “If you’re the one ending the relationship, having a difficult conversation about the friendship and why it’s not working can afford you the opportunity to practice being honest and authentic, to advocate for yourself, and to have compassion for yourself and for your friend,” she said. She notes that specificity helps: focus on your needs, not on the other person’s alleged flaws. Examples she offers include statements like, “I’ve realized I need more space right now,” or “I think we’ve grown in different directions.” The timing and tone matter; the aim is to preserve dignity for both people, even as the relationship ends.

For those who still opt for a conversation, Cope recommends a careful approach that gives the other person the chance to respond. “These conversations will not be easy,” he warned, “but ending relationships and friendships in a way that prioritizes everyone’s dignity and well-being is possible.” He and Harouni Lurie also remind readers that people’s brains are wired to seek social connection, which makes closure and mutual understanding especially valuable after a breakup, even a platonic one.

While some argue that ghosting is a gentler exit in the heat of the moment, experts caution that it rarely feels kind to the person left behind. And in a culture saturated with quick responses and instantaneous communication, sustaining clarity can require more effort than simply hitting the block button. The path toward healthier endings is not about universal scripts but about choosing honesty, respect, and a plan for closure.

As the HuffPost piece notes, there is not a single, universal rule for how to end a friendship, but there are best practices: acknowledge what you valued in the relationship, be explicit about why it no longer works, avoid airing grievances about past mistakes, and allow the other person space to respond. The end goal, experts say, is to minimize pain and maximize agency for both parties, even if the outcome is the dissolution of the friendship.

In the end, the decision to end a friendship—whether through a direct conversation or a difficult, measured disengagement—reflects a broader cultural shift toward communicating personal boundaries clearly. The conversations may be uncomfortable, but they hold the potential to prevent long-term hurt and to set a healthier standard for how people navigate closeness in the digital age.