Hoda Kotb reveals epiphany that ended Joel Schiffman relationship; says she’s not rushing into dating

Hoda Kotb disclosed a painful epiphany that signaled the end of her long‑term relationship with ex‑fiancé Joel Schiffman, revealing the moment in an interview with Today.com published Tuesday. The veteran television host said the realization was necessary to acknowledge what had changed in the relationship, even as she emphasized that the feeling of love for Schiffman remains.

"I loved Joel then, and I love Joel now," Kotb told Today.com. "I just had to remind myself that it was a different kind of love. You can still love and admire someone and not want to be in a relationship, a long‑term relationship that way, personal relationship." The candid comments came as Kotb discussed the challenge of recognizing when a partnership has run its course and the courage it takes to name that truth publicly.

Kotb described herself as a "pretender" in relationships, saying she sometimes drags things out even when she senses the connection is not deepening. "I am a total phony in my relationships," she said, adding that, in hindsight, the relationship with Schiffman had been good but lacked a deeper trajectory. "I think sometimes you know that a relationship is — I would say good — but you think to yourself it’s not deepening."

She emphasized that the ending came from a place of honesty rather than anger, noting that the split was handled with reflection and care. "So, you continue along on the relationship, and I think the truth of the matter is sometimes you have to say to yourself, like, I feel like I’m an optimist," Kotb said. "And so, when you’re an optimist, you want to make things work, and sometimes, things don’t." The emphasis, she added, was on recognizing a different kind of love and choosing to honor it rather than pretend it was something more enduring.

The 61‑year‑old broadcaster also underscored that she’s not rushing to find a new partner. Instead, she is "waiting to see what happens" and remains open to the possibility that a future soulmate is out there, even if she isn’t sure when or how that connection will arrive. "It just was an epiphany for me, and it took courage for me to say it," she said, signaling a shift in how she approaches dating and personal life.

Kotb’s reflections come in the context of a public arc that began with the couple’s breakup announcement. News broke in January 2022 that Kotb and Schiffman, then 67, had decided to end their engagement and reframe their relationship as friends and co‑parents. The two share two daughters, Hayley Joy, 8, and Hope Catherine, 6, whom Kotb described as the central focus of their family moving forward. The arrangement has been described publicly as a model of amicable co‑parenting, with the former couple continuing to support their children together.

Her remarks also touched on what has happened since the split in terms of social life and dating. In March 2024, Kotb revealed on The Kelly Clarkson Show that she had gone on her first date since the breakup. The moment stood out not as a dramatic pivot but as part of a broader process of self‑discovery and healing rather than a rapid return to romance. Kotb conveyed a sense of cautious optimism rather than a push to resume a conventional relationship, signaling that her focus remains on balancing personal growth with family responsibilities.

In discussing her approach to dating, Kotb referenced a if‑this‑then‑that mindset she has shared before with her children. She has spoken about the power of thoughts shaping life outcomes, noting to her kids that "Thoughts become things. So what you think about can be." Yet she also emphasized realism about how those thoughts translate into action, explaining that she isn’t actively seeking a string of introductions or a formal dating app strategy. Instead, she described a season of life in which she remains open to possibilities without forcing them, trusting that a genuine connection will emerge when the moment is right.

The conversation around Kotb’s personal life has unfolded publicly over the years, reflecting a broader cultural interest in celebrity relationships and how public figures navigate turning points. While the focus of the today interview centered on her emotional journey and the end of a long‑term relationship, the discussion also underscored the enduring importance she places on family, resilience, and self‑awareness. Kotb has often spoken about the challenges of balancing a high‑profile career with parenthood, and her latest remarks add another layer to how she manages those responsibilities in the wake of a major relationship shift.

As Kotb continues to chart her path, she reiterated a sense of optimism about the future without rushing toward a new romance. She acknowledged the possibility of meeting someone who resonates on a deeper, soul‑level connection, while leaving room for the timing to unfold naturally. For fans and observers, the message is one of candid reflection, personal growth, and a reaffirmed commitment to her family as she remains open to love in a way that aligns with her evolving sense of self.