Holiday Labor Is Women’s Work: The Hidden Toll of Seasonal Cheer

Holiday magic is often framed as a shared celebration, but mental health experts say the emotional energy required to create that magic falls largely on women. The unpaid, often invisible labor—planning, coordinating, and tending to the emotional needs of family and friends—intensifies as the holidays approach and can linger well into January. An analysis drawn from a HuffPost feature underscores that women consistently perform the bulk of this emotional labor, even as other demands compete for their time. Melody Wilding, a licensed social worker and coach who helps clients manage emotional labor, notes that the pressure to conjure the “perfect holiday” can dramatically increase stress and lead to burnout when overcommitment becomes the norm. “Putting pressure on yourself to have or create the ‘perfect holiday’ can send your stress skyrocketing, and overcommitment can quickly lead to exhaustion and burnout,” she told HuffPost.

From late summer into winter, the calendar often becomes a maze of tasks that quietly bear the weight of tradition. The notes describe a typical cycle: booking a photographer session at the end of August, selecting outfits for the entire family in October, and navigating a flurry of November emails to pin down times and locations while weighing weather and travel. The photos may arrive soon, but in many families the decision on which image to send is less about a flawless grin than about choosing the least embarrassing “weird face” shot to mail to relatives. The process continues with the painstaking selection of a holiday card, assembling an address book, contacting loved ones for updates, deciding who gets a card, ordering stamps, and handwriting envelopes until fingers ache and tongues feel swollen from licking. The routine illustrates the emotional labor that often remains invisible even as it keeps the season running smoothly.

The mounting workload is more than mere busywork; it’s part of a broader pattern in which women carry outsized responsibility for sustaining family rituals. Experts describe this as a form of emotional labor—unpaid, often invisible work that keeps others comfortable and happy. Wilding says the emotional labor spike is a predictable part of the holidays: the social and domestic demands expand, and self-care frequently slides down the list. “Putting pressure on yourself to have or create the ‘perfect holiday’ can send your stress skyrocketing, and overcommitment can quickly lead to exhaustion and burnout,” she told HuffPost. The consequence is not merely fatigue but a pervasive sense of not measuring up to an ever-moving target.

That sense of pressure can feed perfectionism, a mindset some researchers link to anxiety, depression and, in extreme cases, thoughts of self-harm. Wilding urges readers to question the voice of their inner critic, the nagging thought that they’re not doing enough. “Question the voice of your inner critic that says you’re not good enough,” Wilding said, emphasizing that the inner standard is frequently an unfair measure. In practice, that critique can push the holiday pace beyond sustainable limits, reinforcing a cycle of guilt when one’s own needs are deprioritized.

The piece also confronts a modern accelerant of stress: social media. Wilding notes that platforms can distort reality, making it seem as if everyone else’s life is perfectly staged while one’s own experience feels ordinary or flawed. “Social media makes it seem like everyone else’s life is perfect and enchanted ... except yours,” she said. Her recommendation is pragmatic: redirect the time you would spend scrolling toward more restorative activities that replenish energy and mood rather than deepen the sense of deficit. In this framework, reducing online consumption becomes a viable strategy to blunt the emotional toll of holiday expectations.

Beyond individual coping, the article encourages reassessing commitments and reallocating emotional labor in ways that feel authentic and sustainable. It suggests dropping tasks that aren’t genuinely valued and sharing responsibilities more evenly—an acknowledgment that the world will not end if a party is scaled back or a traditional task is delegated. “Question the voice of your inner critic that says you’re not good enough,” Wilding repeats, and adds a practical note: “Don’t be afraid to drop a ball, or two. You’ll discover the world won’t end, and in fact, will encourage other people to start picking up their share of responsibility.” The message is about recalibrating expectations to protect mental health while maintaining meaningful connections during a season that can feel overwhelming.

The conversation around holiday emotional labor is not new, though its public resonance continues to rise as families confront increasingly complex schedules, financial pressures, and social norms around celebration. This synthesis draws on a HuffPost piece that originally appeared in November 2017 and remains a reference point in discussions about culture, family life and mental health during the holidays. While the specifics of who bears the burden may shift with society, the underlying dynamic persists: the rituals that make holidays feel magical often rely on the tireless work of women, sometimes at a cost to their own well-being. The takeaway is not to abandon tradition, but to reexamine what it takes to maintain it—and to consider ways to share the load, protect personal well-being and preserve the joy that the season promises.