Jen Hatmaker’s Awake: A Night of Betrayal, Break With Faith, and a Redefined Life

Jen Hatmaker, the former HGTV star and Christian influencer, details in her memoir Awake how a night in July 2020 upended her life. At about 2:30 a.m. on July 11, she woke to hear her husband of 26 years whispering on the phone to another woman, a moment she describes as the end of the life she had known.

Hatmaker spent the next hours going through her husband’s computer, uncovering an ongoing affair described as devastating. The affair had been going on for a long time and had involved lavish gifts that plunged the family into financial chaos. The couple had built a church in Austin, Texas, and had a public life that included their HGTV show My Big Family Renovation.

When her husband woke, Hatmaker threw him out of the house. She says the moment was so shocking that she could not immediately process what happened. In the months that followed she battled depression and anxiety while raising five children—three teens, one in college remotely and one recent graduate—during a global pandemic, with little knowledge of how to access their finances.

Hatmaker grew up in Kansas, the oldest of four. Her father was a progressive Southern Baptist minister who sometimes challenged traditional boundaries for women. The church culture she describes nevertheless elevated men as spiritual leaders and left women in supporting roles. Hatmaker married Brandon, who was training to be a pastor, when she was 19. In 2008 they started the evangelical Austin New Church.

Awake is not just a divorce memoir. To rebuild her life financially, emotionally, and spiritually, Hatmaker had to distance herself from the husband and from the church that had defined much of her career. She describes a realization that stepping away from the church also meant stepping away from a built-in network and identity.

In the months after the split she faced strain as she navigated a new life without her partner and without the routine of their previous public presence.

Before 2020 the couple faced strain. They did not have sex for about two years. In April 2020 they began marriage counseling, and Hatmaker believed they were making progress. In hindsight she says the pattern of unaccounted absences and a phone always within reach suggested otherwise, though she did not want to face the signs at the time.

A year after the split, Brandon Hatmaker was engaged to another woman. Awake chronicles that development but also emphasizes Hatmaker not seeking reconciliation as the relationship moved forward.

Awake is scheduled for release on September 23. Hatmaker says she is exploring faith outside traditional church spaces and is unsure whether she will return to church. She is pursuing a path that she describes as meaningful and authentic beyond the structures that previously defined her life.

In August Hatmaker welcomed her first grandchild. She is in a long-distance relationship with author Tyler Merritt and notes that she is taking back control of her life.

Jen Hatmaker says she is in the driver’s seat now and will not outsource her life again. The memoir reflects a multiyear journey from personal crisis to rebuilding a life aligned with her values and a broader view of faith.