The Christmas loneliness of the 'other woman'

Christmas is often described as the most wonderful time of the year, but for women who are the other woman, the holiday season can feel like the loneliest stretch. In a moving first-person account provided to Carina Stathis, Marlenya Jones—a pseudonym—lays bare years of holiday secrecy, stolen moments and borrowed affection. She spent several years as the other woman and describes December as a season of silence, with the man she loves spending time with his wife and children while she watches from the sidelines.

Her story begins in London in her early 20s, when a Friday night at a Soho bar introduced her to a man named Oliver. He was a smooth talker, and what followed felt like a dream: endless texts, perfect dates, and nights of intense chemistry. The illusion cracked when she found a baby blue highchair in his living room and asked whether he was married. The revelation was simple and brutal: Oliver had been married for five years, with a wife and toddler who lived elsewhere. He said they no longer had sex and had drifted apart after becoming parents. She knew she should end things then, yet the love she felt was already too strong. The first Christmas they spent apart was painful, with him with his family and her alone in a small apartment. The pattern lasted six years, with occasions and gifts arranged for him, but she remained unseen by the world. The holidays underscored the gap between fantasy and reality.

After six years she left London in 2019 at age 29 and moved to Sydney for a fresh start. She believed she would never date a married man again, but then she met Jack at a mutual friend's dinner party. The chemistry was undeniable and she says the feelings ran deep. Jack spoke of love for his children and said he was divorced, and she started to imagine a future where she could become a stepmother. She asked to meet his kids but he said it was too soon. She later recalled her mother's warning: if a man does not speak kindly of his ex, he is not a good person. About six months in she discovered that Jack was not divorced and that he and his wife were together. The relationship continued, but the holidays brought the same loneliness: the first Christmas apart, him with his wife and children, her alone in the apartment. She imagined what he might buy for his wife, rather than gifts for her own. She spent Christmas waiting for a text that would never arrive and wondered how long the memory of the season would sustain her.

She notes a parallel with Love Actually, where a wife finds a necklace in her partner's coat and, in the film, the necklace is for another woman while the wife is left to deal with the implications. For the author, the contrast between screen romance and real life is stark: the wife receives the tangible symbol of affection, while the other woman is left to navigate the hollow magic of the holidays. In real life, the festive period often means the wife hosts the family gathering and the other woman remains unseen, with no public acknowledgment or token of affection to claim as her own.

Over the years the narrator emphasizes that Christmas highlights absence rather than connection. She describes buying and wrapping her own gifts, creating a ritual of proof that she exists even when others forget. The experience is marked by loneliness, a longing for a season where love does not come with secrecy or a hidden status. She writes that the holidays can feel hollow for someone who is kept in the shadows, and that this is a real emotional experience rather than a sensational fantasy. The tone is reflective rather than accusatory, focusing on her own feelings and the social dynamics that leave the other woman on the outside during the festive rush.

Contextually, a broader conversation about the signs that someone may be the other woman is offered by relationship expert Dr Lurve. The signs described include being an escape hatch for a man who keeps the relationship private, a pattern of secrecy that avoids public acknowledgment, a rigid or recurring pattern of unavailability during evenings and holidays, and a habit of promises that never materialize into actions. Additional indicators include a lack of integration into the man's social world, conversations that stay at a general level rather than about real life, and a tendency to cancel plans at the last minute. The expert notes that love that comes with conditions and a dynamic where the partner is largely absent when you need support are warning signs. Online presence that hides the other life, frequent cancellations, and a persistent gut feeling that something is not right are cited as red flags. The overall message is to trust intuition and consider stepping back if many of these signs appear.

The piece closes with a stark reflection on the limits of Christmas romance and the reality faced by those who are kept in the shadows. For Marlenya Jones, the holidays serve as a reminder that she is not fully seen within the story of someone else’s life. She ends with a yearning for a Christmas that is hers to claim, a season in which love is not borrowed and given back at midnight. It serves as a cultural window into a common, painful dynamic that is often shielded from public view yet resonates with many readers who have found themselves on the wrong side of holiday expectations. The account, though intensely personal, is presented as a broader commentary on how society treats relationships that involve secrecy, fidelity, and the price paid by those who wait in the wings.