Valerie Bertinelli says she’s never been asked on a first date during Drew Barrymore Show discussion of dating trend

Valerie Bertinelli revealed on The Drew Barrymore Show that she has never been asked out on a first date. The conversation occurred as host Drew Barrymore and co-host Ross Mathews pressed Bertinelli about a dating trend dubbed the “Bob the Builder” approach, in which women use dating apps to ask men to help with home renovation projects. Bertinelli, 65, offered a practical take: “I think it’s a great idea,” she said, but added she has no frame of reference for first dates because she’s “never been asked out.” The exchange underscored Bertinelli’s long-running openness about her personal life, and she later confirmed the surprising detail: “No. No one’s ever asked me out.”

The discussion then shifted to how Bertinelli’s past relationships unfolded, including her marriages to Eddie Van Halen and Tom Vitale. Bertinelli explained that she and Van Halen did not have a traditional first date. Her brother Patrick once brought them to a Van Halen concert in Shreveport, Louisiana, where they spoke backstage and then later talked again after a follow-up invitation to a concert in Oklahoma. “Eight months later, we were married,” she recalled. The couple wed in 1981 and remained together for 26 years, during which they welcomed their son Wolfgang, now 34. Eddie Van Halen died in 2020 after a long battle with cancer.

Bertinelli later married businessman Tom Vitale in 2011, and the couple separated legally in 2022 after filing for separation in 2021. She has been candid about the turbulence of that marriage. In January 2023, she told followers on Instagram about enduring verbal and emotional abuse, describing moments when she was “screamed at” and called harsh names, and reflecting on the lasting impact of those experiences. She shared that the abuse manifested in “hidden bruises” of emotional, verbal and mental harm, but she emphasized her ongoing healing journey and the progress she’s made, including changing how she carries herself and how she views herself. “I’m grateful that the work I’m doing on healing is working,” she wrote, noting that she’s moving toward a sense of freedom as she moves forward.

Bertinelli filed for legal separation from Vitale in 2021, and the split was finalized in 2022. The actress has spoken publicly about the toxic dynamics she navigated in that relationship, framing her experience as part of a broader healing process rather than a simple narrative of resilience. Her public reflections have been part of her broader media presence as she discusses family, fame and personal growth in the wake of a highly scrutinized personal life.

As the conversation at times veered toward dating culture and potential new beginnings, Bertinelli maintained a measured focus on her own journey. She has repeatedly highlighted the importance of healing, boundaries and self-respect, underscoring that her past experiences have informed how she approaches relationships today. The exchange also touched on how fans sometimes perceive celebrities’ dating lives, and how public narratives can shape, but not define, personal choices.

Ultimately, Bertinelli’s remarks align with a broader arc in which she has openly discussed both the joys and challenges of her life in the spotlight. Her openness about never having been asked on a first date, her lasting connection to Eddie Van Halen, her complex marriage to Vitale, and her ongoing healing process together illustrate a public figure candid about growth, heartbreak and resilience. The discussion reflects a culture increasingly comfortable with honest, nuanced conversations about relationships, aging and personal evolution, even as fans continue to watch Bertinelli’s career and public persona evolve.

As Bertinelli moves forward, the conversation about dating trends, personal boundaries and healing remains a personal and evolving chapter in a life that has long lived in the public eye. Her experiences—told with candor—offer another lens on how women in entertainment navigate love, loss and renewal across decades.