Army major took his own life amid fears seeking help would blight career, inquest hears

An army major took his own life after fearing that seeking help for work-related stress and the pressures of fatherhood would blight his military career, an inquest heard.

Nick Coles, who served with the Black Watch, 3rd Battalion, Royal Regiment of Scotland, was found by his wife, Tabitha, at their home in Andover, Hampshire, in the early hours of August 4, 2023. The Portsmouth inquest heard that the 36-year-old had been drinking wine with his wife during the evening and had a blood alcohol level similar to the drink-drive limit.

Tabitha Coles told the hearing that her husband was dyslexic and found it difficult to cope with reading and writing work, which she said slowed him down and made balancing work with time for their baby daughter challenging. She described him as a “perfectionist” who worked 16-hour days and said he intended to leave the Army after completing a deployment, preferably in Kenya. She said he also had trouble sleeping and would often sleep only on weekends, which meant missing time with their daughter and led to morning panic attacks when he had to return to work.

“He was always trying to do as much with her as possible, he found balancing that difficult, he would be leaving the office and it was seven o’clock and she would be going to bed, he was trying to squeeze everything in at once,” Mrs Coles said. She added that he loved being a father and partner, but that the pressures of his role weighed heavily on him and that he had grown increasingly anxious about meeting expectations.

In the six months preceding his death, Mrs Coles said her husband had stopped exercising and began displaying violent verbal outbursts, which upset their daughter. She described incidents as powerful, explosive and scary, noting they often centered on small irritants. She spoke of the strain the couple faced in trying to maintain normal family life while he carried out demanding military duties.

“He was loving and caring,” she said, describing him as someone who cherished family life. She stressed that he had not spoken of suicidal thoughts and that she believed he loved them and loved being a dad. “If he had thought about it, I don’t think he would have done it,” she added.

Recording a conclusion of suicide, coroner Jason Pegg said he believed Mr Coles had acted impulsively and that alcohol had contributed to his actions. Pegg noted that Coles had achieved a high rank through rigorous training at Sandhurst and elsewhere and that he set high personal standards, but that he often placed himself under pressure to perform. The coroner highlighted a pattern of panic attacks in stressful situations and said Nick’s reluctance to seek professional help stemmed from a fear that it would blight his career.

“Nick was someone who lived with high expectations, including at school, and he was prone to panic attacks when stressed,” Pegg said. “There was a reluctance to seek help; he feared it would blight his career, and that fear contributed to this tragedy.” The inquest noted that Coles also faced the ordinary pressures of balancing work, military commitments, and being a husband and father to a young daughter.

The hearing in Portsmouth heard that Coles had previously served in Inverness and had contemplated a future that included a return to civilian life after a deployment, with a preference for Kenya. The coroner emphasized that the case highlighted the pressures faced by service members dealing with mental health concerns while attempting to maintain a demanding career.

For confidential support call the Samaritans on 116 123, visit a branch or go to www.samaritans.org