Caregiving in midlife: 58-year-old caregiver seeks balance as costs mount

Joan, a 58-year-old caregiver, writes that she is juggling duties for her mother, who is in her 80s and wants to stay at home but requires expensive care, and a 28-year-old son who has moved back in after a separation. Her husband died five years ago, leaving her to cover mounting bills for carers, medical equipment and specialists while also helping with her grandchildren’s school expenses. With her own savings dwindling, she worries about paying for care, providing for family needs and whether she will ever reclaim a life of her own.

Vanessa Stoykov, a leading money educator and columnist, responded directly to Joan’s letter, noting that what she’s experiencing is a common reality for many women in their 50s who are caring for aging parents while supporting adult children. She emphasized that protecting one’s own financial stability is essential to being able to give to others in the long run. “If you don’t protect your own financial stability, there won’t be much left to give anyone in the long run,” Stoykov wrote.

Stoykov laid out a practical framework for immediate action. First, she advised Joan to seek professional guidance from a licensed financial adviser who can map savings, income and family obligations. She noted that readers can connect with advisers through a free service referenced in her column. Second, she urged setting clear boundaries with family members and having open conversations about what is realistically possible to provide. Third, Stoykov recommended exploring government programs and community resources that may reduce in-home care costs, such as subsidies or services available through My Aged Care. Fourth, she suggested considering the mother’s home as part of the financial equation—whether it could help cover care costs or be passed on as part of inheritance—and to discuss such options with care and sensitivity toward her mother’s wishes.

The pressurized balance of caregiving and finances, she added, should not come at the expense of the caregiver’s own future. “Most importantly, don’t lose sight of your own future. You still deserve to have dreams and security for the years ahead,” Stoykov said, underscoring the need for proactive planning and seeking support rather than shouldering the burden alone.

Joan’s letter, and Stoykov’s response, highlight a broader challenge faced by many families in similar circumstances: integrating health-care needs, housing considerations and long-term financial planning so that caregivers can maintain their own health and security while supporting loved ones. The guidance underscores the importance of early planning, professional advice and utilizing available public supports to ease the financial and emotional strain that accompanies multi-generational caregiving.