Child psychologist says six 'magic phrases' foster cooperation by protecting children's dignity

Child psychologist Reem Raouda says a small set of deliberately worded phrases can help parents build long-term cooperation with children by protecting their dignity and calming their nervous systems.

Raouda, who has studied more than 200 parent–child relationships and is a mother herself, outlined six so-called "magic phrases" in a CNBC article that she says make listening feel natural to children. She cautioned that the phrases are not a quick fix: if a parent's default approach is yelling or threatening, those deeper patterns must be addressed for the phrases to work.

Raouda said the real secret to getting children to follow instructions is connection. "When you regularly protect your child’s dignity, make them feel safe, and follow through on boundaries, listening becomes the natural outcome," she wrote. The phrasing a caregiver uses, she said, can either escalate a power struggle or reduce a child’s defensive reactivity.

Among the examples Raouda offered are statements that convey belief and partnership. Telling a child, "I believe you," signals validation and reduces the need for defensive misbehavior, she said. Offering, "Let’s figure this out together," maintains a firm boundary while inviting cooperation rather than forcing compliance.

Raouda explained that these phrases work in part by calming the child's nervous system and enabling emotional regulation. When a child feels heard and respected, the need to prove autonomy through oppositional behavior diminishes, allowing parents to set and enforce limits without prompting a fight.

She also stressed that wording alone is insufficient. Phrases must be paired with consistent follow-through; boundaries that are not enforced undermine trust and reduce the effectiveness of respectful language. Similarly, habitual yelling or threats create patterns that simple phrasing cannot reverse, Raouda warned.

Experts in child development broadly emphasize the role of emotional safety and predictable parenting in promoting cooperation. Raouda’s recommendations align with research showing that warmth, clear expectations and reliable consequences support better behavioral outcomes over time.

Practical application, she suggested, involves using the phrases consistently during everyday conflicts — such as bedtime, homework or transitions — and combining them with calm enforcement of rules. Over time, caregivers reported in Raouda’s observations that interactions shifted from power struggles to collaborative problem solving.

Raouda’s guidance, as presented in the CNBC piece, is framed as tools to complement broader parenting practices rather than as stand-alone solutions. Parents seeking change were advised to examine their typical responses to misbehavior, work to reduce punitive defaults, and practice the phrases while maintaining clear, enforced boundaries.

The approach underscores a shift in parenting advice away from punishment-focused techniques toward strategies that prioritize connection, validation and predictable limits as mechanisms for improving child behavior and family dynamics.