Elizabeth Day says she has 'let go' of dream of biological motherhood after IVF and miscarriages
The 46-year-old 'How To Fail' host says she is 'much more at peace' after multiple fertility treatments and a painful uterine procedure, while acknowledging lasting sadness.
Elizabeth Day said she has “let go of the dream of conventional biological motherhood” after several failed rounds of in vitro fertilisation (IVF) and miscarriages, telling The Times that she is trying to make peace with the decision.
The 46-year-old journalist and podcaster, best known for hosting How To Fail, said the experience had been painful and disruptive. She said she underwent two rounds of IVF and other fertility treatments, including an assisted fertility attempt using egg donation in the United States, and a surgical procedure to alter her uterus that she described as “so painful.”
Day, who is stepmother to her husband Justin Basini’s three children, said stepping away from trying to conceive has left her "much more at peace" but that not having a child will cause her "sadness for ever." "It’s very painful if you think something is meant for you and the universe is not giving it to you," she told The Times. "I think what I’ve gone through is understanding that maybe motherhood wasn’t meant for me, because other things are."
The author and presenter has spoken openly about her fertility struggles in public and on her podcast, where guests discuss perceived failures and setbacks. Day recalled a June 2022 episode in which she became emotional while talking with the late poet Benjamin Zephaniah about his own experience of infertility.
Day also discussed how not having children affects her capacity to pursue creative projects. Her new novel, One of Us, is due to be published on Sept. 25. Last year she launched a 12-week "podclass" called How to Write a Book, which she executive produced and which features writers and publishing professionals including novelist Sara Collins, literary agent Nelle Andrew and publisher Sharmaine Lovegrove. The course remains available on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
Day has built a profile both as a novelist and as the host of How To Fail, which has attracted guests from across the public sphere. She has said some politicians decline invitations because they do not want to be associated with the word "fail," though figures including former Labour leader Ed Miliband appeared on the show in 2021. Other notable guests have included Labour MP Jess Phillips and former Conservative politician Chris Patten, who discussed setbacks and personal challenges in episodes dating to 2019.
Day framed her choice to stop trying for a biological child as an acceptance rather than a resolution. She said she still expects to feel sadness but added that other aspects of her life and work have meaning and demand attention. Her comments add to a wider public conversation about the emotional and physical toll of fertility treatment and the varied outcomes for people who pursue assisted reproduction.
She has not announced any further medical fertility plans and said in the interview that she is dedicating more attention to her writing and ongoing creative projects.