Lawyer outlines eight signs she can spot in minutes that a marriage is likely over

A London-based divorce lawyer and relationship coach said she can often tell within minutes whether a marriage is likely to end in divorce, listing eight recurring signs she says mark relationships that have passed the point of repair.

Sheela Mackintosh-Stewart, who has worked with couples for about 30 years, described the indicators in a column for the Daily Mail that uses a tense opening scene from the new film The Roses — starring Benedict Cumberbatch and Olivia Colman — as an example of the dynamics she encounters in her practice. In the scene, a marriage guidance session collapses into veiled insults and open criticism, prompting the therapist to tell the couple: "I just can’t see a future for you at all. I don’t think you have the capacity to fix your problems."

Mackintosh-Stewart said the signs are not single mistakes but patterns that repeat, and when two or three appear regularly she considers the relationship to be on a "slide" toward separation. She described eight specific indicators she looks for in early sessions: difficulty offering current praise, pervasive dislike, contempt expressed publicly, repeated conflict without repair, power imbalance, score-keeping over small issues, physical or emotional distancing, and a partner who has lost hope in the relationship.

The first sign, which she called "compliment paralysis," appears when partners struggle to name anything they currently admire about each other. Familiarity and accumulated slights can erode admiration, she said, and when kindness and gentleness stop, attempts at repair are less likely to stick. In the film, one character offers praise only in the past tense, saying of his wife: "I have memories of her being witty."

Mackintosh-Stewart said another clear red flag is sustained dislike. "You can tell immediately if you are in the presence of people who don’t feel good or happy in each other’s company," she wrote, adding that while momentary hatred is human, "consistent, relentless, inescapable dislike for your partner cannot be fixed."

Public contempt is among the strongest predictors she cited. An eye roll, sarcasm or name-calling witnessed by others, even if followed by a claim of "only joking," signals a breakdown in respect, she said. When contempt takes hold, the frame shifts from "we have a problem" to "you are the problem," and resentment can accumulate.

Mackintosh-Stewart said she watches for conflicts that repeat without resolution. "Fights are not the problem; consistently failed repairs wreak relationships," she wrote. Without apology, clarification or soothing, each argument becomes another barrier. She noted that much anger masks grief and unmet needs, and unresolved tension tends to escalate into destructive patterns of blame.

A power imbalance between partners also drew her attention. She said she looks for domination, frequent interruptions and signs that one partner defers or appears vulnerable. Such imbalances can be intensified by narcissistic traits — high self-focus, low empathy under stress and a fragile ego — and often culminate in the less-confident partner reaching a breaking point.

Keeping score of small tasks and slights emerged as another sign she watches for. Sheela Mackintosh-Stewart said tallying chores or correcting minor details in front of a partner often indicates one-upmanship replacing teamwork. "When you keep score, you’re not cheer-leading or team-working," she wrote.

Physical and micro-behavioral distancing also feature in her assessment. In sessions she positions two chairs close together; if partners nudge the chairs apart, avoid eye contact or adopt defensive postures, she takes that as evidence of an underlying desire for distance. She said she can sometimes spot "micro-winces" or tiny head shakes in response to a partner, signals that the relationship is fracturing at an intimate level.

The final sign is a partner who has lost hope. Mackintosh-Stewart asks clients early in sessions what they want to achieve. If a response is "I can’t see a future" or "I want to leave with a timeline of moving out," she said, the relationship is often already over, even if the other partner wants to continue.

Mackintosh-Stewart advised couples who recognise several of the signs to seek professional help early. She said repairs are more likely when issues are addressed before contempt and chronic distance set in. If separation becomes inevitable, she urged restraint and transparency in the process and recommended focusing on the welfare of any children and on preserving a cooperative co-parenting relationship.

The lawyer also cautioned against pursuing an overly adversarial divorce, noting that aggressive, expensive legal fights can harm both parties and their families. "A good ending beats a long, bad fight every time," she wrote, urging couples to prioritise practical arrangements and emotional stability over vindictive outcomes.

Her comments reflect patterns she said she has observed across decades of work with couples. The Daily Mail published the column alongside a discussion of the film scene that inspired her analysis. Mackintosh-Stewart framed the eight signs as warning indicators that, if present repeatedly, often mark relationships that have passed the point where therapy or reconciliation will succeed.

Couples and clinicians interviewed separately often point to contempt and chronic lack of repair as major risk factors for separation, and Mackintosh-Stewart's list echoes themes from both clinical practice and popular relationship literature. She urged that addressing problems early and respectfully can preserve partnerships, but acknowledged that some relationships ultimately end despite intervention.