Postpartum libido can dip after birth; experts and reality star discuss healing and guidance

Postpartum sex drive can dip for many women, and reality TV personality Holly Hagan-Blyth has spoken about her experience after the birth of her son Alpha-Jax in 2023. While co-hosting the BBC's CBeebies Parenting Helpline, she said she began avoiding intimacy with her husband, Jacob, and considered how she would handle the situation. She noted she could have told him to stay distant, but chose to discuss her feelings instead so as not to pressurize him.

Opening up about the struggle helped reduce the pressure on both sides. The husband reassured her that his concern was not about her feelings for him, and that his reaction reflected her current experience rather than a change in attraction.

Dr Jennifer Lincoln, an obstetrician and gynaecologist, described several reasons why a new mother may not want to have sex after birth. Healing can take time, and the uterus typically returns to its pre-pregnancy size after about six weeks, with tears in the vagina or perineum also requiring time to heal. Hormonal shifts after birth cause estrogen and progesterone to fall, which can lead to vaginal dryness and discomfort during sex. She noted that the few days surrounding childbirth involve significant hormonal changes that can be as impactful as menopause for some women. Holly Hagan-Blyth has reiterated that there is no universal timeline for resuming sex; it is a decision unique to each couple as they navigate healing and adjustment after childbirth.

CBeebies helpline listener Frankie, who had her baby three months ago, described a similar issue, with her partner losing interest in sex. She said she felt unattractive and wanted more attention from him. Therapists have observed that men can struggle to express their feelings about fatherhood, which can influence sexual dynamics in a relationship. Fleur Parker, a practitioner from childbirth charity the NCT, added that addressing these emotions is often not seen as a priority for men; she advised couples to talk honestly about their feelings rather than assuming the other person knows what is going on.

Suggestions for couples starting sex again after birth include speaking up if penetration is painful, and not pretending that everything is fine if it is not; hormonal changes after childbirth may necessitate using a lubricant to ease discomfort. Making time to relax together can help couples focus on each other rather than daily worries, and seeking help if pain persists is important. If concerns continue at the postnatal check, NHS guidance encourages talking to a local GP.

In sum, health professionals and patients alike emphasize that shifts in libido after childbirth are common and vary widely. Recognizing that healing and hormonal adjustment are part of the process can help couples approach intimacy at their own pace, with open communication and support from healthcare providers as needed. The NHS notes that there is no fixed timetable for resuming sex after birth, and guidance is available to help couples navigate these changes together.