Psychologists warn of dangers when children become their parents’ confidants

Psychologists are warning that close, peer-like relationships between parents and children — often romanticized in television and social media — can cross a line into a harmful dynamic known as parentification, in which a child is asked to shoulder responsibilities beyond their developmental capacity.

Experts say parentification can take many forms, from caretaking of younger siblings and running household tasks to serving as a parent’s emotional confidant or mediator in parental disputes. "I think a lot of people see these kinds of relationships on TV and wish their mom was ‘cooler,’" said Dara Winley, PhD, LMFT, a Chicago-based therapist and assistant professor at Adler University, in an interview with SELF. She and other clinicians caution that when a child becomes the emotional or logistical support for a parent, the child’s development and health can suffer.

Medical and mental health organizations describe parentification as a role reversal in which a child takes on responsibilities that are not "developmentally appropriate" for their age. The Cleveland Clinic says this can include chores and caregiving duties, but also emotional labor: knowing details of a parent’s finances or dating life, acting as a therapist, or stepping in when a parent is emotionally or physically unavailable. Psychology Today describes the phenomenon as a minor becoming a parent’s emotional caretaker because the parent cannot manage their own emotions or sufficiently care for the child.

Clinicians note the dynamic is often not malicious. It can arise from economic pressures, such as single parents working multiple jobs, or from intergenerational patterns in which a parent never learned to regulate emotions without relying on a child. But regardless of intent, the consequences for the child can be significant. "Overall, parentification can be difficult for the child," said psychologist Kate Eshleman, PsyD, in remarks to the Cleveland Clinic. When children provide logistic, tangible or emotional support, they may miss out on age-typical activities such as spending time with peers, focusing on schoolwork or completing developmental milestones.

Beyond social and academic impacts, clinicians report physical symptoms that can accompany emotional strain. Eshleman said young people under prolonged stress may develop headaches, stomachaches, trouble sleeping and loss of appetite. "When a child has physical complaints, there is evidence that it can be related to their emotional health," she said, noting that children and adolescents who lack tools to recognize and process their feelings may express distress somatically.

Signs clinicians use to identify parentification include a child consistently taking responsibility for household management, acting as the primary emotional support for a parent, or being privy to adult concerns typically kept from minors. Children in these roles are sometimes described as "wise beyond their years," but that maturity can mask unmet developmental needs.

Therapists emphasize that addressing parentification requires recognizing blurred boundaries and the conditions that give rise to them. Because the dynamic frequently stems from stressors such as economic strain or a parent’s own unresolved trauma, clinicians say interventions often involve restoring appropriate boundaries while supporting both the parent and child. Mental health professionals recommend families seek evaluation from a qualified therapist when children assume ongoing adult responsibilities or exhibit chronic physical symptoms tied to stress.

Public discussion and media portrayals of close parent-child friendships have helped surface a range of healthy family models, but mental health experts caution that when closeness becomes caregiving, it can hinder a child’s emotional development and well-being. Recognizing the difference between warm parental support and parentification is an important step toward ensuring children can experience childhood without adult burdens.