Pub lunch helps prostate cancer patient cope with diagnosis, highlighting value of support groups

Marcus Grodentz, 74, a former public relations executive from South Wales, was diagnosed with prostate cancer that had spread to his bones and lungs. He began hormone therapy the day of his diagnosis, a treatment designed to slow the cancer but which commonly triggers a harsh set of symptoms often described as the male menopause. He recalls a rapid onset of emotional instability, hot flushes, fatigue and a noticeable loss of libido, all of which compounded a sense of isolation. His wife, Maggie, 72, a former GP surgery manager, urged him to seek emotional support, something he initially resisted as a man who preferred to deal with problems on his own.

Nine months of worsening urinary symptoms followed before Marcus sought medical help in 2022. After tests and imaging at a private specialist, doctors confirmed that the cancer had spread to his lungs and bones, and that it was incurable. From then on, he would require three-monthly injections of hormone therapy to restrain tumor growth. In addition to the physical toll, doctors explained that hormone therapy often suppresses testosterone production, producing fatigue, hot flushes and diminished sexual function, and in some cases bone loss and heart disease.

The day his wife proposed Maggie’s as a source of support, Marcus hesitated again. He had expected to handle the news with stoicism, but found that joining others in similar circumstances offered a practical and emotional lifeline. When he attended his first group meeting, he found it was “a relief to meet others in the same boat. We even managed to have a laugh about things.” He learned practical coping skills in workshops, such as applying SPF50 sunscreen year-round to protect against skin cancer, a consequence of hair loss tied to hormone treatment. This combination of practical guidance and emotional support helped him move toward acceptance of his disease.

Three years on, Marcus continues to attend the weekly Maggie’s group meetings, which he says recharge his batteries and help him manage treatment-related issues such as fatigue and confidence. “We’ve got a WhatsApp group and will often swap texts, checking on how we’re doing,” he says. He describes the social outlet as a counterweight to the sense of isolation that often accompanies cancer diagnoses. The casual pub lunches after meetings have become a cherished ritual, providing an informal space to share experiences and maintain a sense of normalcy.

The broader story around Marcus’ experience is echoed in research on prostate cancer care. A UK study involving more than 13,000 patients found that men who had people to confide in regularly and who participated in group activities—whether at the gym, in religious settings or other communities—had a reduced mortality risk. The researchers concluded that good psychological support and regular exercise can improve outcomes for men with prostate cancer. Professor Andrew Protheroe, a medical oncologist and uro-oncology expert at the University of Oxford, notes that the study’s findings align with other work showing that addressing emotional well‑being can contribute to better cancer control and quality of life.

Historical and ongoing work supports these conclusions. The Lancet published a 2014 UK study of 500 cancer patients showing that those who received treatment for depression and anxiety in addition to their cancer treatment experienced fewer fatigue, depressive symptoms and pain after three years compared with those who received only standard cancer care. Yet many men remain reluctant to seek help. Robin Muir, a clinical psychologist at Maggie’s, says men are particularly prone to isolating themselves when faced with cancer, and that discussing erectile dysfunction or other side-effects with healthcare providers—who are often female—can be challenging.

Despite the positive anecdotal and quantitative data, access to emotional and practical support for prostate cancer patients varies across the country. A 2023 study in BMJ Open identified considerable variation in supportive services, with only 69% of 138 hospitals surveyed offering counselling and 75% offering sexual function services. Advocates argue that publicly funded and charity-supported programs, including Maggie’s centers (there are 27 sites at major cancer hospitals in the UK), may help improve treatment experiences and outcomes by making psychosocial care more accessible.

Marcus says the support group helped him confront a sense of vulnerability that had surprised him during diagnosis. He urges other men with cancer to seek out a group or form a support network, noting that many believe they are invincible until confronted by illness. “I’d urge men with cancer to find a support group. You’ll find a group of people who understand exactly what you are going through,” he said, adding: “We guys tend to think we are bulletproof. It’s a huge shock to discover that we’re not.”

Public awareness around prostate cancer remains critical. Around 55,000 men in the UK are diagnosed with prostate cancer each year. Sir Cliff Richard, 85, recently disclosed that he was diagnosed during a routine check-up ahead of an international tour, stressing the importance of early detection and ongoing treatment options. While his treatment specifics were not disclosed, the case underscores how advances in therapy—including hormone suppression and newer targeted approaches—can extend life expectancy for many patients, even as side-effects remain significant.

For Marcus, the journey continues. He remains grateful for the Maggie’s centre and the support group, which he says have helped him navigate the emotional and physical challenges of living with advanced cancer. His message to others echoes a common refrain in patient advocacy: access to psychosocial care, alongside medical treatment, can influence both day-to-day well-being and long-term outcomes.