Therapy myths debunked: a psychologist counters online simplifications

A growing chorus of online voices has flattened complex mental health topics into quick memes and simple slogans. Joe Nucci, a licensed psychotherapist in private practice with more than 250,000 followers on Instagram, is trying to reverse that trend. In his book Psychobabble: Viral Mental Health Myths and the Truths to Set You Free, Nucci debunks more than three dozen misperceptions that have circulated online and explains how to apply therapy concepts in everyday life more carefully.

Nucci argues that discussions about diagnoses have shifted from 'You have X disorder' to 'You are so much more than a label'—yet in practice many people wear a diagnosis as a defining identity. Diagnoses inform treatment, he says, but when a label becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy it can hinder progress. He offers ADHD as an example: with proper medication, coaching, and executive-function strategies, late arrivals can be reduced to the level of the typical person. But if someone believes that being late is an unchangeable trait, they may close themselves off to improvement. He recommends using a broader set of descriptors—creative, outgoing, scatterbrained at times—to describe oneself.

Myth: You’re a people pleaser. Nucci questions the term's usefulness, arguing it lacks specificity and can describe many behaviors. Some people may simply be more agreeable or enjoy deferring to others. The problem arises when the behavior is motivated by conflict avoidance or fear of upsetting someone, making it harder to voice needs. He notes his own work on standing his ground and describes conversations with friends and family about this effort, and says most people have been supportive.

Myth: Your date is a love bomber. Nucci notes that 'love bombing' has evolved from a precise manipulation tactic to a broader shorthand for rapid relationship progression. He points out many reasons relationships move quickly—lust, infatuation, or a misfit expectation—and that speed alone does not prove manipulation. He urges caution in labeling early intense feelings as manipulation and recommends giving a relationship time to unfold. "There are so many reasons why people move fast in dating," Nucci says, and just because someone has intense feelings early in a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean they’re attempting to manipulate their partner.

Myth: You’re powerless to solve your problems. Drawing on a metaphor of a thriving flower and soil, Nucci says both systemic forces and personal agency matter. Racism, sexism, and discrimination shape mental-health outcomes, but practitioners should still help patients see where they can act. Focusing only on external barriers can hinder progress, while ignoring their context can lead to burnout. He emphasizes the balance: being aware of societal factors while recognizing that individuals can take steps within their reach. "If you’re on the really extreme end of prioritizing systemic justice, there’s going to be situations in which you could actually do something as an individual. You don’t want to be so rigid in that stance that you miss the easy wins of stuff you can do and stuff that you can work on," he says. Maybe that’s your family, maybe that’s your culture or country. That can also be really, really healing.

Myth: You should learn as much about mental health as you can. In therapy, counselors typically begin by helping patients name their experiences, process them, and analyze them, he explains. "Sometimes, when people are able to articulate a cogent analysis, their symptoms go away — not always, but sometimes," Nucci says. "At that point you want to stop analyzing, because if you continue, it quickly becomes obsessing, ruminating." Becoming an amateur expert online does not automatically equate with healing. Therapists could turn to approaches like cognitive-behavioral therapy, which focuses on shifting thought patterns, or behavioral therapy, where you work on changing your actions. Suffice to say, endlessly trying to learn about mental health concepts and terminology online can also become counterproductive outside of a therapeutic environment.

Myth: You can never have enough emotional intimacy. Most people differ in how open and vulnerable they expect their romantic relationships to be. You shouldn’t feel bad if you don’t want to tell your partner what you’d tell your therapist. The same goes for your children. Vulnerability is important in close relationships, but it doesn’t mean you have to be totally vulnerable with every person you meet. "Maybe only one person gets that vulnerability with you," Nucci says, "maybe it’s your partner, maybe it’s your therapist, maybe it’s a friend."

Myth: You need therapy if you want a relationship. While therapists are qualified to help patients on their mental-health journeys, they are not “wise sages” on all topics, especially love. Therapy can help you identify unhelpful patterns and give you skills to fix them, but it won’t replace the experience of actually dating. "You’ve got to learn to put yourself back out there, and that’s all any of us can do," Nucci says. "If that’s something you’re struggling with, therapy can be a great intermediate support for you, but I think it’s inaccurate to say that it will make you completely ready."

Nucci’s perspective comes as stigma around mental health has waned over the last decade, even as a flood of online content has spread both useful insights and oversimplifications. He argues for more precise language and for recognizing that some challenges respond to targeted treatment, while others require broader social action. His book, Psychobabble: Viral Mental Health Myths and the Truths to Set You Free, aims to guide readers through the nuance that underpins contemporary conversations about mood, behavior, and relationships.