Stephen Miller Dating Advice Revisited as Experts Question 'Alpha' Masculinity
A HuffPost investigation into Miller’s past remarks and the wider appeal of 'alpha' dating lore examines how political figures’ personal narratives intersect with relationship culture and what experts say about healthy partnerships.
WASHINGTON — The wife of Stephen Miller revived an old joke about her husband on Fox News this week, offering a rare glimpse into the couple’s dynamic as they navigate the glare of political life. Katie Miller described her husband as a “sexual matador” who “gets [her] going” with morning speeches about defeating the left, a line that drew renewed attention to the former Trump adviser’s public persona.
The remarks come on the heels of Miller’s earlier foray into dating advice. In 2024, while appearing on Fox News’ Jesse Watters Primetime, Miller offered guidance to single men, telling them that being a strong Trump supporter could boost their dating prospects. The Independent quoted him saying that a young man should “wear your Trump support on your sleeve” and “show that you are not a beta” if he hopes to impress women. He urged men to project a sense of traditional masculinity as part of their dating strategy.
The conversation about Miller’s comments intersects with broader cultural debates about the so-called alpha male—the idea that men must exude dominance, emotional restraint and a rigid social hierarchy to be attractive. The discussion has lingered as dating researchers note that many people are wary of Trump supporters as potential partners, based on surveys conducted in 2024. A recent American Enterprise Institute survey found that nearly three-quarters of college-educated women—and 52% of the total single women surveyed—would be less likely to date a Trump supporter. Another 2024 survey from the dating app Coffee Meets Bagel found that 4 out of 5 women would not date someone who supports Trump. Some daters even conceal their political views to avoid being dumped.
The emphasis on “alpha” behavior, however, stretches beyond political affiliation and into a broader, long-running internet culture around masculine ideals. When Miller described dating in terms of being an “alpha,” experts see a familiar pattern: a push toward emotional distance, dominance and a competition-based view of relationships. HuffPost spoke with several relationship professionals who cautioned that this portrayal can undermine the foundations of healthy partnerships.
Sophie Roos, a licensed sexologist and relationship therapist, said the archetype reduces dating to a series of win-lose dynamics that emphasize control over emotional connection. “If you think you always need to be emotionally disconnected toward your soft slides and dominant, you’ll never be able to create a happy long-term relationship in which you both feel good,” she said. Lorain Moorehead, a licensed psychotherapist, added that the “alpha” frame can be manipulative and fails to honor emotional intelligence and mutual respect. “These ideas rarely go hand-in-hand with being an emotionally intelligent, kind and respectful partner,” she said, warning that the fantasy can be exhausting for men who feel they must perform a rigid role.
Caroline Millet, a former matchmaker and dating coach, described the “alpha” narrative as a commodified rule set that offers easy answers in a complicated social landscape. “Most of it is clickbait,” Millet said. “Easy answers are the easiest to sell.” She argued that the appeal of such advice is strongest among people who crave simple guidelines to navigate dating, especially during times of transition in life and identity.
Why this kind of guidance persists, experts say, is not hard to understand. Some men are drawn to a clear, rule-based framework that promises control over a volatile dating market. But the experts emphasize that those who pursue authentic, lasting connections tend to focus on self-development, emotional literacy and respectful interaction. Millet urged would-be daters to seek guidance from people in healthy, stable relationships rather than from online personas or “manosphere” figures who offer reductive shortcuts.
Moorehead encouraged a shift away from performance-based scripts toward attachment-informed approaches. “A confident, competent, self-assured person doesn’t need these rule sets,” Millet said. Moorehead urged men to invest in their own hobbies, skills and emotional well-being, and to engage with potential partners as equals who set and honor boundaries.
For those seeking a healthier path, the guidance is consistent: cultivate emotional intelligence, curiosity, empathy and cooperation. “Ask yourself what the person telling you this information has to gain,” Millet said. “Do they need you to buy into an entire worldview that also includes supplements, workouts and workshops? Or should you talk to people in healthy relationships and learn what actually works?”
Across the broader landscape, dating remains an area where politics, culture and personal identity intersect in complex ways. The Miller episode highlights how public figures’ personal narratives can shape public conversation about dating and gender norms, even as researchers caution against conflating political affiliation with romantic compatibility. Experts emphasize that healthy relationships rely less on rigid archetypes than on mutual respect, clear communication and a willingness to grow together.
